notmonica: (Loyalty.)
[personal profile] notmonica
When in panic, or in doubt/run in circles, scream and shout!

Parker didn't panic. The crawling, jittery sensation that sometimes curled up and down her spine when she realized, again, the impossibility of the task her father had given her -- red file or not, Parker wasn't a Pretender, she'd never be anything but just a little bit special, and she wasn't sure who she sometimes hated for that -- wasn't panic. It was just anger, and Parker's perfectly-kept nails curled into her palms until she could convince herself of that and get back to work, getting herself out of whatever mess Jarod had decided she needed to learn a lesson from *this* week.

Parker didn't panic. The sour taste on the back of her tongue when Lyle smiled at her, slow and friendly, (you're beautiful when you're angry, and they both knew that was what she was remembering) was scorn and contempt and dislike. It wasn't fear, and it wasn't anything like recognition. He might have her blood; he wasn't her brother. (If family didn't mean blood, she never let herself wonder, what did it mean?)

Parker didn't panic. The heavy weight in her stomach when her father frowned at her was anger and disappointment, in him or in herself, she didn't let herself think about it, but it wasn't ever worry over what would happen if the Triumvirate ever really decided she was getting to the point when someone else would do her job better. Or over what would happen next time her father decided she was the right bone to throw to the wolves. She hadn't panicked at the T-board, either, and she knew if she ever spotted Sydney again from wherever he'd run to, he'd tell her she should do a better job of lying.

Parker didn't panic. She didn't doubt. She knew her job and her name and who she was; she didn't need to know anything else.

She really did need to do a better job of lying. These days she wasn't even fooling herself anymore.

Date: 2010-01-12 07:48 pm (UTC)
doctor_sydney: Sydney with beard and hat (Default)
From: [personal profile] doctor_sydney
The last thing either of us needs, Parker, is for you to learn how to panic. +wry tone+ You're the epitome of control and strength, much as your mother was. And that may be all that has kept either of us alive in the web that the hunt for Jarod has become.

Date: 2010-01-12 07:55 pm (UTC)
doctor_sydney: Sydney with beard and hat (Default)
From: [personal profile] doctor_sydney
The gift of prevarication seems to run strong enough when you most need it. +smile+

Date: 2010-01-12 08:01 pm (UTC)
doctor_sydney: Sydney with beard and hat (Default)
From: [personal profile] doctor_sydney
At least one of us has the ability. +faintly teasing tone+

Date: 2010-01-12 08:08 pm (UTC)
doctor_sydney: Sydney with beard and hat (Default)
From: [personal profile] doctor_sydney
I merely do not tell that which might distress a patient.

I have given up trying, most days.

Date: 2010-01-12 08:24 pm (UTC)
doctor_sydney: Sydney with beard and hat (Default)
From: [personal profile] doctor_sydney
Adjusting the facts, as I have been taught, perhaps.

There was only one way I could see it all ending, if I could not believe their lies enough to live them.

Date: 2010-01-12 08:32 pm (UTC)
doctor_sydney: Sydney with beard and hat (Default)
From: [personal profile] doctor_sydney
They might.

I'll be waiting when you need me.

Date: 2010-01-12 08:34 pm (UTC)
doctor_sydney: Sydney with beard and hat (Default)
From: [personal profile] doctor_sydney
You, my dear Parker, sometimes need to hear plain truth.

Date: 2010-01-12 08:45 pm (UTC)
doctor_sydney: Sydney with beard and hat (Default)
From: [personal profile] doctor_sydney
I have not Pet Freaks. If you mean Jarod, ask him.

Date: 2010-01-12 08:50 pm (UTC)
doctor_sydney: Sydney with beard and hat (Default)
From: [personal profile] doctor_sydney
+sighs+

Date: 2010-01-12 07:53 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
*smiles a little, twitchily* Even if we live in worlds where panic cannot be afforded ... sometimes it is hard to push it back, nein?

Date: 2010-01-12 08:05 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
Tchu! Lucky! If it was only what I was doing that I had to worry about, I would be almost-panicking a lot less!

Date: 2010-01-12 08:12 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
*laughs, rubbing at his eye* If only. Tchu! If only. Surrounded by idiots with weapons. Always. Very bad idea not to take them into account, nein? *shakes head* World is full of stupid people. Have to remember that.

Date: 2010-01-12 08:22 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
*subdued* Not ... forget. Hope, maybe. For little whiles, until someone reminds me again.

Date: 2010-01-12 08:30 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
*smiles a little, ducking his head* I will. For that, I am lucky indeed. *smiles* Not often someone gives the hope, instead of ruining it. Thank you.

Date: 2010-01-12 08:36 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
*chuckles* Then I shall take the gift for the rare treasure it is, proud lady. *smiles* Do not worry. I am adept at being happy with what I can get.

Date: 2010-01-12 08:43 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
*grins* Be careful, or my envy might eclipse my appreciation.

Date: 2010-01-12 08:56 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
*nods* Good point. Little to fear from a blind rat's envy, tchu. From anyone's, a proud lady like you.

Don't know how to stop. Panic, that I can control. Worry ... too much effort.

Date: 2010-01-12 09:06 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
*tilts head, curious* Is it still flattery if it's true? Forgive me. I thought flattery was things like 'the stars cannot outshine your eyes', not 'you could crush me with one hand'. *little shrug* For me, that last tends to be just fact, tchu.

Date: 2010-01-12 09:14 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
*real grin* This is true, yes. That you know it, makes what I said before less flattery than ever. *shakes head with a little smile* I do try not to be one of those stupid people who fill the world, ja?

Date: 2010-01-12 09:31 pm (UTC)
rodentus_callidus: inked rat (Default)
From: [personal profile] rodentus_callidus
*preens happily* Oh, danke schon. Thank you indeed, proud lady!

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